It's 2:30am on Monday. I hear coughing coming from the nursery, and then silence. We still have a monitor in our room but it is set up to only turn on when noise comes from her room. I didn't hear anything else but I figured I was awake, might as well go take a peek.
I opened her door and walked in, expecting to lean over and kiss her head and walk out. Instead, as I walked up to her crib, she stood up and reached out her arms. I picked her up and carried her over to the glider. We rocked for 15 minutes. She sucked her thumb, I just rocked, savoring the moment. I noticed how her head was on my shoulder and her legs fell beyond my knees. I remember rocking in this same chair with a baby who hadn't yet uncurled. A baby who's legs didn't fall past my belly. A baby who needed me 3, 4, 5, 6 times a night. I just savored this moment. A moment that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't decided to peek in on her.
Finally, her breathing got slower. Her thumb fell out of her mouth. I carried her back to her crib, tucked her blanket back in around her and placed her baby doll next to her. I kissed her head and walked out. 2 seconds after my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.
That moment made me realize I miss her at night. I don't miss waking up every single night but I do still miss my baby after she's asleep for the night. I woke up smiling today, thinking about it. Then all I could think is how much I love this whole motherhood thing.